When I look back over 2014, nothing really stands out. It feels like a dark, stressful, rushed, frustrated, and tired blur. I don't even have to look at my resolutions for last year to know I didn't accomplish many of them.
I spent so many long hours trying to finish a project at work - all to realize at the end of the year that it was out of my control. I neglected my family, friends, and all the things I enjoy, really all for next to nothing.
I feel like last year was a waste. Yes, we paid off some debt, we bought our first house, I got promoted, we're now expecting our first baby - but while we passed so many milestones, I didn't take the time to enjoy them and let them sink in. Looking back now, I'm saddened.
This year, beyond just checking off my resolutions, I want to end in a better place than when I started. Better spiritually, relationally, emotionally ... all around healthier, happier, and more satisfied because I've spent my energy on what really matters in life and what refreshes and refuels me.
This year is going to be really hard. I'm having a baby in July, Lord willing. And my dad is getting deployed this spring, to Liberia, to provide security at the Ebola camps. Talk about scary.
And who knows what will happen in the next 12 months that I never anticipated. But this year, I want to be present for it, even the hard things.
I want to take time to feel happy, to do some things that make me happy, and to take care of my health and family. I want to take time to grow. And to just be.
JJ Heller puts it well, per usual, in her new song.
I do have a list of "resolutions." But it just boils down to one thing: making 2015 a better year.
Do you have resolutions for this year? Or a word or phrase that's your focus? Share it in the comments below.